No charge for shipping. Buy batteries from jack@seniorstoseniors.com
Even WalMart does not match this price !!!
*************************************************************************
Subject:
Important Message.
I
WILL NOT BE FORWARDING ANYMORE E-MAILS THAT WANT ME TO ADD MY NAME
AND/OR SEND TO 10, ETC. NUMBER OF PEOPLE. HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND AFTER
READING THE FOLLOWING:
I was astounded by this! I never dreamed they were using that stuff
to plant "cookies"
From Snopes.com
<http://snopes.com/>
TO WHOM IT CONCERNS: A word to the wise. E-mail petitions are NOT
acceptable to Congress or any other municipality. To be acceptable
petitions must have signed signatures and your full address. Same with
"prayer chains" be wary.
Almost all e-mails that ask you to add your name and forward on to
others are similar to that mass letter years ago that asked people
to send business cards to the little kid in Florida who wanted to break the
Guinness Book of Records for the most cards. All it was, and all this
type of e-mail is, is to get names and "cookies" tracking info
for tele-marketers and spammers to validate active e-mail accounts
for their own purposes.
Any
time you see an e-mail that says forward this on to "10" of
your friends, sign this petition, or you'll get good luck, or whatever,
it has either an e-mail tracker program attached that tracks the cookies
and e-mails of those folks you forward to, or the host sender is getting
a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of
"active" e-mails to use in spam e-mails, or sell to others
that do.
Please notify others and you will be providing a good service to your
friends, and will be rewarded by not getting 30,000 spam e-mails
in the future.
(If you have been sending out the above kinds of email, now you
know why you get so much spam!)
Check it out:
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.htm
<http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.htm>
Also----Keep
your forwards cleaned up! As you "forward" these ,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE delete all email names & addresses! You put us
all at risk by not deleting! Your
junk... So, don't be lazy! It takes only a minute! Delete
the crap at the bottom too, like the "funny faces & get
AOL". These are "ADS" that might collect our info!
****************************************************************************************
The
Correct Way to Come Home Drunk
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other
and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home
after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the
driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my
shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed
in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent
splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up, and yells at
me for staying out so late!
His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on
the ass and say, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and .............she acts like
she's sound asleep!
It Works Every Time!
***************************************************************************
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man
who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a
long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the
Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he
turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for
an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's
your name? "Morris Fishbien," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western
Wall and praying?""For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray
for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and
the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for
all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their
fellow man."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60
years?"
"Like I'm talking to a wall."
*************************************************************
MOTHERS MILK
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term
exam. The last question was:
"Name seven advantages of "Mothers Milk." Worth 70
points or none at all. One student, who had
partied late the night before, was frustrated to think
of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just
before the bell rang, indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7. It comes in such cute containers.
He got an "A".
**************************************************************************
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a
man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did
a
swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
PM news
and so I knew he would jump."
The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it
again."
Bob took the money......
DO YOU THINK HE DID THE RIGHT THING???? YUP.
**************************************************************************
Willie, out on the golf course, takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage,
he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc? . . . I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and
my fiancée, Lena, is still a wirgin - in every way". The doctor told
him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint Willie, to let it heal and
keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and
taped it all together . . . quite an impressive work of art.
Willie mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their
honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her
beautiful untouched breasts. She said, "You're the first vun. No
vun has EVER seen deez."
Willie immediately drops his pants and replies, . . . . "Look at dis,
..still in da CRATE!"
*************************************************************************
Never Choke in a restaurant in the South.
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they
talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby
table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or
so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the
hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes
her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn
blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman,
lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right
butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a
violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she
begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, 'Ya know Clem, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick' maneuver, but
I ain't niver seed nobody do it till now'.
****************************************************************************
An 18 year old Italian girl
tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2
months. Very worried, the mother goes to the
drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test
result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the
mother says, "who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and
makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops
in front of their house. A mature and
distinguished man with grey hair and
impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a
Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with
the father, mother, and the girl and tells
them: "Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my
personal family situation but I'll take charge. I
will pay all costs and provide for your
daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is
born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores,
a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000
bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will
be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank
account. If twins,
they will receive a factory and $2,000,000
each.
However, if there is a
miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father,
who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on
the man's shoulder and tells him, "you
gonna try again."
*********************************************************************************
NO SEX SINCE 1955
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.
Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit
taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded
to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she
leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget
much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I
hope not, it's only 2130 now."
(Don't ya love military time?!)
*****************************************************************************
Discounted , Long Lasting hearing aid batteries,
6 on a card, 10cards to a carton
cost only $30. Batteries stay fresh for 3 years.
No charge for shipping. Buy batteries from jack@seniorstoseniors.com
Even WalMart does not match this price !!!
*************************************************************************